I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
