you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
