Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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