dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
