at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
