Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
