Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
