just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
