I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
