woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wish i was in the wii world.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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