he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
