Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
