Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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