she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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