I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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