I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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