tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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