Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize