That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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