I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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