The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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