In the future we'll all be gay
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
