do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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