The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
