So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
