i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
