dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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