Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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