My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
