Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
he high fived his dick after we had sex
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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