living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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