one might say we're banned from that church
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
