That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do you have feelings for this penis?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
