am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
