His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
