your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
