i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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