R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
