we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just high enough for therapy.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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