I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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