He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
