at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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