How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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