I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
