you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
