am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
