this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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