hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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