I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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