You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
