ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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