I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
