I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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