i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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