And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
