I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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